heygloria: nothing hurts more than being ignored by cats on the street
rnackenzie: how am i gonna become an adult i dont even know how to make a signature
OH NY FUCKING GOFD I JUST WALKED PAST A SCARY CRAZY OLD MAN AND HE SCREAMED IN MY FACE “I CAN SEE YOU LOVE THE INTERNET I CAN TELL BY YOUR DEAD EYES” I WAS SO SCARED IS IT REALLY TAHT OBVIOUS OMF HELP
iamtonysexual: jonandtheon: jonandtheon: jonandtheon: MY BOOK IS LOCKED IN A CLASSROOMN RED ASLERT I TOLD THIS REALLY NICE KID WHO NEVER CAUSES TROUBLE AND HEREACHED INTO HIS BACKPACK AND PULLED OUT A KEYCHAIN WITH KEYS TO THE CLASSROOM AND UNLOCKED IT FOR ME?? update i asked him why he had those keys and he said “its not important” im so lost He’ll be vital to your quest later,...
*puts down capri sun* i am ready for a sex
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
laughterneverdies: casualfangirling: she-wants-the-doitsu: whendaybreaks: nicolasandthecage: when i erase a word with a pencil where does it go are you okay They turn into those eraser shavings and then you swipe them off your desk and they land on the floor and someone steps on them and they stick on their shoe and eventually the person goes home so right now your word is at...
penguinize: no matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s i’m still gonna eat it
nobrainslob: grotle: if you want to find the biggest asshole at a party, leave an acoustic guitar out ‘i don’t know if you’ve heard of this one’ *opening chords to wonderwall*
selfdoubtandsyphilis: dankestrnemes: do animals think in english or in the sounds they make this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for
So now when you do Alt + Reblog, the reblog symbol...
theshelbylife: incestuous-lesbianponies: laurarw: I THOUGHT THIS WAS KIDDING SOGMLASG HOLY SHIT
Well excuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUu se me